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Saturday, 6 February 2016

Mean Girls



I hate having to write something like this. I'm a firm believer in women standing for women and us being here for one another, but the undeniable scientific proof that 'mean girls' are a reality is hard to ignore. It's always baffled me. How people can just seemingly so naturally, so easily mistreat another person for no apparent reason. It's hard, it really is to take crap from someone and be treated so terribly for no reason.

I've been told by several friends, it's not me. Which, I mean maybe it's not. I volunteer and work with a group that I deeply love. I love what I do with them, love what they stand for and everything about doing it but recently I've had to really consider stepping away from it because I can't deal with the overwhelming feeling of mistreatment and exclusion I feel from another set of girls in this club, who are part of the executive team-- as am I. So, supposedly we're on the same team, seemingly peers; but not really. I remember at an event we had last year, I was going to sit at a table with one of the executives and she kindly advised me to go and sit with my own friends. When she's around the rest of the girls just also become very cliquey, ignoring all others and it's incredibly off putting. I'm a naturally introverted person and a FIRM believer in not fighting for anyone's approval, so very quickly I became a bit of an outcast because I refuse to try and force myself to be a part of something I'm not. There's no reason to. I don't beg for friends, and why would I ever want to be friends with people like this? The clique mentality disgusts me. This is not to say having a core group of friends is a bad thing, it's more the idea of being exclusionary to somehow assert the dominance of this group. It's vile.

When I initially joined this group I joined with some other new people, whom due to circumstances have not been able to stick around. Granted, I love the members. I love the guys of the executive team. I love so much about this club, and the opportunities it has provided me but eventually you have to move on right? How long do you hold onto something because of what it did for you in the past? Joining this club was honestly one of the best things to happen to my university career, and my life in general. I got the opportunity to do what I love, attend incredible events, meet amazing people--who regardless of what happens after this is over I'm grateful to have met. I've opened my eyes to a world of opportunity and an industry I never knew existed which has shaped my future in very real ways. Very tangible ways.

I'm also a firm believer in you being responsible for what you do. If I quit, that's on me and no one else. This is a huge part of my life and provides more positives to who I am than negatives and I certainly WON'T let a cliquey group of popular girls make me disappear.
But Mean Girls need to be eradicated, it's a vicious cycle, that while I understand its origin, needs to disappear. I hate to even be using the term, but they are real. I've never ever been treated this way by a group of men before, it's just not somehow wired in them the way this competitive, pettiness is wired into some females.

Whatever though, Karma is real as well. And so is rewards for determination. I'm not going anywhere. And if you're reading this and dealing with some mean girls who are trying to make what you love difficult: do what you love even 40 times better than you're already doing it-- nothing shuts people up like talent.





4 comments:

  1. I have to say I greatly disagree with the notion that "competitive pettiness" is wired into certain women. Some PEOPLE are competitive and petty. It is incredibly harmful to women as a whole to suggest these types of behaviors are exclusive to them. Men and women may execute the traits differently, but they are both capable of having them. Anyway, some people are unkind, but if you love this club and it has brought you happiness, I don't believe you should be bullied out of it. You don't have to put yourself in a position of being around unpleasant people, but you also shouldn't allow them to keep you from doing things you like to do. You do you. :)

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  2. Mean girls are the worst. I think inwardly we're all a little unsure of each other until we just click. When new women join my work team, I'm always a little wary if they're going to be the type to try to overcompensate for being one of the few women there, or not being the only woman. And it's happened, but I hope you never feel like you have to be bullied out of what you love. You are absolutely right that karma comes for those who aren't in it for the good.

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  3. I don't like how it always seems like a competition around girls. I know you've probably heard this elsewhere, but it seems as if girls are never pushing each other up but rather it's the opposite. I guess that's why cliques form, because they enjoy feeling exclusive, above everyone who's not. And then there's the bitching. I don't think I could name a single girl who hasn't talked about someone else behind their back, and no matter how much I try not to, I still do too. It's like it's in our nature to be exclusive and above, and I hate it. I love your belief in not fighting for anyone's approval, and I think I should take that up, and every girl should take that up, and then maybe we'd all be less interested in how we appear to others and just become nicer.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

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  4. I totally agree with you. Yes, a lot of women do uplift others but at the same time, there are also a lot of mean spirited women. I think it's just disgusting, the whole mean girls clique thing. Hoping that you pull through, I admire your spirit and determination.xx

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