Wednesday, 27 August 2014
It's a bit of an enigma isn't it. Wanting something so desperately you don't get it. A weird paradox I find myself stuck in far too many times.
This summer, my gosh, this summer. The adventures & misadventures. The smiles and the tears that I've gone through this summer is entire other blog post, or novel, but goddamn this summer I think I learned the hard way one of the most important things I've ever learned.
After a sleepless night, tears and cookie dough and mounds of regret it's going to take months to dig through my god have I learned something I know I won't soon forget. You have to ask for the things you want. You need to be explicit with what you want from life. If you want to see someone, my goodness drop them a text and let them know you desire their company. There's a lot of perishable things in life we're so keen on begging for but when it comes to people, something ALWAYS gets in the way of keeping them around. Losing people... sucks. The teenage writer in me would like to describe the emptiness, desperation for sociopathic tendencies and behaviours that comes with losing someone, but words fail me. All I can say really is... IT SUCKS. Especially when you know there's SO much more you could've done to keep them around. So many more times you could've said yes, stopped panicking, just invited them to the movie. Instead you let this fear inside you rule your thoughts, and you let 'em go. I don't know if second chances are a thing with people. I'm yet to experience that. The opportunities lost when you lose a person far exceed when you lose anything material.
I don't think I've experienced a worst feeling to date, and I think it's been branded into the sides of my frontal lobe to speak up at the this point. The momentary panic that comes with asking, is nothing, and believe me when I say NOTHING, on the hours upon hours of sadness & regret you feel having let that person slip right through your fingers.
This is an off the cuff blabber of a post, because I've just lost an entire night's sleep and have a lot of thoughts that I can't help sharing. Honestly, though: For yourself, and the love of all that is good when you love someone, let 'em know.