Sunday, 2 March 2014

I've got the blues...or maybe it's the reds.

I'm way too proud of the title of this post. Lately I've been feeling unexplainable...and that's literally the best way to describe it. I can't. I've been invigorated and painstakingly unmotivated at the same damn time and I don't know how the hell that's possible. Maybe it's a feeling that arises from being on the precipice of something so mind-blowingly awesome while stuck in something so mind-blowingly crap. You're motivated and not at the same time. It's a weird place to be.

Have you ever noticed what you want to do are some of the hardest things to do? For example, why does the body fight sleep when it so desperately wants it. Why is being tired & not able to sleep a thing? Why do we do that? Why do we dive headfirst into bad situations? Why when I have class at 9 AM am I up at 2:30 A.M. writing this post instead?

I've come to a weird crossroads in life where I think I'm slowly starting to see clearly now (the rain is gone). I can see all obstacles in my way. But I think telling myself I know for sure is scaring me as much as not knowing at all. Why is it so hot in here? I don't know if it's a good or bad thing writing thoughts as they come rather than sorting through them. I think it's a pretty bad idea to be honest.

University is all but sucking the life out of me, and whilst being on this precipice of figuring myself out and what I want to do with my existence knowing that because of being at university they will all have to be on hold sucks. I'm being filled with life as it's simultaneously being drained out of me.

I'm pretty much a leaky faucet at the moment.

Why is teaching pointless information to regurgitate onto an exam paper a thing? Why does that determine my intelligence more than my ability to ... I don't know...balance a cheque book. Oh wait...

Why's the sky blue?

Or maybe it's a shade of red.

x Leah Symonne x



  1. Great post!!! Kiss


  2. The first paragraph definitely hit the nail on the head as to how I was feeling recently. I came to realise though that these feelings weren't new and that I guess its just a cycle of feeling great, amazing, on top of the world to feeling unmotivated to do anything. It's strange. But at least it's something that we're aware of - I think the real danger comes when you feel unmotivated and everything you've just described and you're either unaware of it or, worse, you just don't care. University can seem pointless sometimes, and incredibly stressful, but hang in there; you might be on the verge of something mind-blowingly awesome like you said.
    Saadiya x

  3. Wow that was perfect! I wholeheartedly agree with stupidity in regurgitating silly information #storyofmylife


  4. There's so many things in this post that's relatable at the moment! Ive just tried to write a letter to my future self thinking that might help... It seems a bit like garbage at the minute :P But rambling is a good start!

  5. I totally agree with you on what you want to do is the hardest!
    This is the story of my life! I sleep way too late and I push projects and all that jazz!
    Can't wait to see more and awesome picture<3

  6. I think we all go through that kind of phase, but as students, it's inevitable that we have to take exams and do projects to graduate. you can do it! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and following. Your header and about is so adorable! I would be glad to follow you back. Keep in touch!

  7. I totally agree. Right now, I'm in that phase too. I'm almost graduating and I guess I have my own crossroads to figure out.


  8. I've been invigorated and painstakingly unmotivated at the same damn time and I don't know how the hell that's possible.
    That's exactly how I feel at the moment. I never could've explained it better than you did in this sentence.

    I wish you all the luck in the world with uni. Persevere <3


  9. Sometimes I really share your feelings but things will get better, you gotta believe it!

    Keep in touch on BLOGLOVIN


  10. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog now following :) x

  11. yea its for a period of time

  12. Hey, thanks for stopping by on my blog!
    I know how you feel, university is literally the bane of my existence and then we have people telling us it's the best time of our lives! I'm banking on being a pensioner to be honest :p
    It's really frightening seeing all of those hurdles looming up ahead of us - at the moment I'm panicking because I more or less know how the jobs market works in the UK. I know I want a grad scheme or a prestigious entry level job so I can kickstart my career and get some good experience. But my boyfriend and I need to decide whether we're going to live in the UK or Italy and whilst he already has a job here (IT) I've had a look at the job search engines and it all looks pretty shit to be honest! I don't want to lose those important first years but I don't want to lose a great relationship because I can't find a job.
    We just have to keep telling us that all these hurdles look huge and too much when we consider them all together but in reality, each one will come individually and circumstances will probably twist nearer the time and life will be easier and ok :) good luck, hope you feel better!
    Lucy xxx
    La Lingua : Food, Life & Travel in Italy

  13. I completely understand how you feel.
    Sometime we all just have to make it through the days, hoping to find something that will change our mood.

  14. Girl, your views and outlook on life are amazing and so relate-able. Just remember that through perseverance, we become our better selves.

    P.s. :) If you're interested or haven't participated before, I've invited you to join in on the Now & Then game. Find the prompts here:

  15. Reading this post has urged me to write down my feelings! Although I recon it will look odd, as our thoughts don't really make much sense at all... Hope everything slots into place for you at Uni, I'm sure it will work out xx

    Hannah @ FashionistaDigital

  16. I love how you have written this. I feel that a lot somedays.. Its crazy and yet its not!

    Defining Me

  17. Definitely feel you on this. Winter always gets me in moods like this though. I want to do so much but can't. It drives me up a wall sometimes. But I try to keep pushing through. It'll get better!