Sunday, 2 March 2014
I've got the blues...or maybe it's the reds.
I'm way too proud of the title of this post. Lately I've been feeling unexplainable...and that's literally the best way to describe it. I can't. I've been invigorated and painstakingly unmotivated at the same damn time and I don't know how the hell that's possible. Maybe it's a feeling that arises from being on the precipice of something so mind-blowingly awesome while stuck in something so mind-blowingly crap. You're motivated and not at the same time. It's a weird place to be.
Have you ever noticed what you want to do are some of the hardest things to do? For example, why does the body fight sleep when it so desperately wants it. Why is being tired & not able to sleep a thing? Why do we do that? Why do we dive headfirst into bad situations? Why when I have class at 9 AM am I up at 2:30 A.M. writing this post instead?
I've come to a weird crossroads in life where I think I'm slowly starting to see clearly now (the rain is gone). I can see all obstacles in my way. But I think telling myself I know for sure is scaring me as much as not knowing at all. Why is it so hot in here? I don't know if it's a good or bad thing writing thoughts as they come rather than sorting through them. I think it's a pretty bad idea to be honest.
University is all but sucking the life out of me, and whilst being on this precipice of figuring myself out and what I want to do with my existence knowing that because of being at university they will all have to be on hold sucks. I'm being filled with life as it's simultaneously being drained out of me.
I'm pretty much a leaky faucet at the moment.
Why is teaching pointless information to regurgitate onto an exam paper a thing? Why does that determine my intelligence more than my ability to ... I don't know...balance a cheque book. Oh wait...
Why's the sky blue?
Or maybe it's a shade of red.
x Leah Symonne x