Saturday, 15 February 2014
An Open Letter: For fourteen year old me
How are you feeling today? I know, I know. Things aren't as easy as they used to be. You thought running away from your problems was more productive of a solution than it amounted to be. Shh, don't cry. You're young. I can't imagine any fourteen year old doing anything different.
You're feeling really weird. You're not in your normal headspace. Suddenly talking, expressing and being the bubbly care free twelve year old you once were isn't easy anymore. You're quiet, you're shy. You're trying so very hard to change, but it's not easy. Your shell is thick.
You're so scared. You're scared of so many things. Things that...even to do this day I'm not sure if they're going to work out. I still can't tell you if you'll ever be on TV, or write a book. I still can't tell you if you'll ever get married. I still don't know if you're going to have kids, or 30 dogs... or neither. I don't know. But, what I have learned in these past few years is that we need to chill the hell out sometimes. The world isn't quite as scary a place as you're making it out to be. One day you're going to muster up the courage to put yourself out there more & more & it's going to be rewarding. You're going to be happy you did it, and wish you'd started sooner. Nonetheless, you did it when you were ready.
You're going to grow apart from a lot of people who were once really close to you. It's going to suck, but it's going to be okay.
You're going to cry, a lot, over a boy..you weren't even really dating. You got stuck in a weird halfway situation. It sucked, I know. Learn from it.
You're going to do stupid things, you're going to regret. You're going to be mad with yourself about it for a long time, but just like all emotions...time will subdue that anger.
You wish you were braver and you wish you had the "balls" to go out, or party, be a normal teenager. What you've got going for you is far more special than you can even see. The relationships you have with your friends now is so much more valuable, than the shallow "drinking buddies".
Stop talking to yourself the way you do. You're beautiful, and you deserve the best. People that fail to see that, well fuck 'em.
P.S. Your aversion to cursing...that will go away.
x Leah Symonne x